Missing things the way they were...

Today I find myself missing things the way they were. Wanting to here his voice and talk about my week. So instead we hung up the outside Christmas lights. Here in Utah you have to get them up before the snow comes.

Last week was a blur, everyday had lots of tasks and I think I only completed 1/2 of them on any given day. This week does not hold to much yet and I hope that I can keep it that way! I just need to clean and organize. I need to not want to just sleep and just get things done! I hope that your week holds promise of a brighter tomorrow along with mine.

I hate email

Since we have moved to Utah, I have had nothing but email problems! I hate email here it is so frustrating! Either I cannot send or I cannot receive! This place sometimes really makes me crazy!

Enough about that at least I can blog! Do you ever fill like you just have to much on your plate? That is how this week feels to me, maybe it is just the mood I am in. I get so irritated at how I feel and want to just feel normal again. I hope this is just not my new normal! Still plagued by the loss of my dad, trying to help my mom and my sister is feeling the same way. I wish I knew the answer to just feel joy once more. Some days are easy to get through and others just seem overwhelming. These are not normal emotions for me. I know that they are for most, but not me. I like to just be.

I am happy that time seems to be flying by me. Now that it is almost mid-November. I sit and think of where the time has gone. I am tempted to put up my Christmas tree that always seems to brighten my mood. Now to just find the time to be able to do that. Next week is a short week the boys only have school for 3 days so maybe then.

I know enough of my rambling. I am trying so hard to not just get stuck in this place. I am not a self-centered person and right now I feel like one.

How do you make a difference?

I look around and see so many parents detached from everyday life with kids. Mostly, sadly mom's. How do we make a difference in the world.

Let me tell you how? One child at a time.
Make sure you encourage them.
Show them you love them.
Tell them your proud of them.
Push them beyond comfort zones.
Show them what hard work is.
Be the best example in there young lives.


The most important thing we can give is faith, ethic, imagination, perseverance and determination. Let them know that nothing is impossible if they work hard enough. If they don't like something they have the power to change it. All it takes is a conscious effort. Never lose hope, cling to faith and build on love.

I was reminded what I have lost by my sister who was having a bad day. Feeling overwhelmed still about losing our father. Missing that force that kept her going. My dad was so good about telling you how proud he was of you. Pointing out what you were good at and yet encouraging you in the areas that you needed to work on. Never sounding self righteous always pushing you to strive. Always showing you that he believed in you. I realize how many parents do not know what that looks like. How can we show something if we were never shown it? It takes making an effort to see beyond yourself.

I think that so many people get caught up living life that they lose sight of the most important things. Somewhere in there we have to stop and see today as a day to change. I feel as though I am a work in progress everyday of my life. Learning a lesson out of every day. Wanting to be better then what I am.

I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better listener, a better person...

I do not want to get lost in the busy nothingness of life, I always want to see today with renewed vision, faith and love.

I see them my four boys as hope and wanting a better way for them. i know I cannot keep them from failure nor do I want to. It was in the wreck of my life that I found myself, that I became who I am. I want them to know that it is never to late to change.

Sorry for all the reflecting and inner reflection posts guess it is just where I am at right now in life.

So as the snow falls here in Utah and the mountains are once again covered, I miss you my fair weathered friend if you were here we would grab a burger and laugh until we cried!

The weekend in retrospect

Instead of trick-or-treating we went to the church Harvest Festival. The boys had so much fun! They had all kinds of games and food, plus they snagged about 15lbs. of candy no joke. I wish they did not get so much, but we are going to send some of it to work with dad and also put some in the operation Christmas child boxes we are doing as a service project. I think that it is so important for my boys to know how to give back. They enjoy picking out gifts for others and helping package the boxes! I want them to know that in life it is easy come easy go. To always share and give back to those who are in need. To be an important part of a community that helps one another. the boys were sick all last week. That is the one thing that I hate about having a large family it takes so long to get over things. I finished our Christmas cards and hope to get them out after Thanksgiving. Hope that you are having a wonderful day I am off to clean!

There is that better or should I say easier on your almost 33 year old eyes? I almost can't wait to send your birthday present I look for so long for just the right thing! I am trying to make myself wait at least until December!

I saw this over at Domestic Bliss it was a dress barn add. It fits my mood today!

Let yourself do something for others today.
Let yourself laugh.
Let yourself make funny faces.
Let yourself eat too much chocolate.
Let yourself meet someone smarter than you.
Let yourself be.
Let yourself entertain new possibilities.
Let yourself listen more.
Let yourself discover a new friend.
Let yourself whet new appetites.
Let yourself open up.
Let yourself think young.
Let yourself pass it along.
Let yourself be dramatic.
Let yourself experiment.
Let yourself twirl.
Let yourself cook up something new.
Let yourself spill the sprinkles.
Let yourself help others.
Let yourself be stirred.
Let yourself shine.

Hoping that your day is filled with laughter, love and creativity! Thanks Shanna for sharing the blogs that you like they are so inspiring!

Silvia

Silvia is my longest relationship. We became friends by chance or fate. I was living in Fort Worth in an apartment complex and she was living there also. Though we would talk and make nice when we would see each other we really didn't know each other yet.

We were both in horrible relationships and making choices about them. We both decided to leave around the same time. We exchanged addresses and went our separate ways.

I started writing her and she was writing back. This is where intimate relationship happened. When you take a pen and put it to paper and pour out your soul for the other to read. This went on for several years, then talking on the phone and visiting one another once or twice a year.

Silvia is beautiful, thoughtful, talented, intense and emotional. She is my person the one who has always been there and is always there. She is the person that can tell you my emotion when I have no words. She is my heart without her there would be no me. She is my confident I love her immensely.

I could go on for days about her but I will leave you with that!