Seasons

Everything in life has a season? Are the seasons what makes us better? Do they bring joy in the morning? I keep waiting for this season to pass and the new one to usher in. This year has been a long hard road for me. I feel as though ever aspect of me has changed. I am not sure if for the better. I hold on to faith and the meaning of what you were and what you will become, come only from what you have passed through. Profound, to think of what will come of this. This space in between that feels like it just goes on and never ends.
Trying to keep myself in the spirit of Christmas saying to myself I have to do it for the boys, but nothing seems the same anymore. Just wanting the sheer weight of it all to be lifted. There are still days that it feels unbearable, like I will crush underneath it. Some aren't so bad but everyday has pieces of it. If time heals all things then time needs to speed up! The hardest part is having everything be so different, not hear his voice everyday. The comfort, peace and encouragement that he would give. The wisdom that he had.