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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Tidalwave of life

Today started out okay, I chatted away the morning with and old friend, tried to purge out some unused items,
worked out,
played with my kids,
got a good deal on meat at Wal*Mart :)
then came home and my world started crashing around me.

My mom and I had several unkind conversations with one another, both said things I am sure we wish we could take back and cried.

I know loss is hard, I didn't know that before, not before such an icon in my life had passed. Some days I do good to cope with my own grief let alone being exposed to others.

You feel as though your flesh is exposed, a gaping wound, seeping and drenched in pain. Like someone is tearing your insides out while you are conscious. The void is so vast that nothingness only remains.

I know this will pass for me and for her, but it is hard watching things knowing that it will never be the the same. Not know what is ahead. I know that she wants him back that he was her companion! He was her everything for 35 years. That he was my father for 33. I am not sure how to help her. At time you feel like you lost them both and that is ever more painful the just the one. Plus being 22 hours away doesn't help the feel either. Not being able to be there, to put your arms around her and let her know you are their and that you feel the same pain.

I try to no be self centered and at times I must admit it is hard. I am not normally a self-centered person.

Then I think at moments like these you know who your true friends are. They come to you aid, to rescue you from yourself. I have found a few of them and consider them the sweetest women I know!

Thank you for being my friend, for helping through this time, for being the life raft that I need right now. For stepping outside of yourself even though you have ever been where I am and just being a friend.

I love you for this and I hope that I can be the shoulder in your life when you meet this cross in the road. Thank you for being my bridge to the other side!

6 comments:

Sonia said...

first of all: all you calling me old?? hehehe
second: we all have our ups and downs with our family and our friends, that is part of life. We couldn't be human otherwise. You are not self centered, you are a good person and even good people make mistakes. I know it is hard, life really stinks! Call me if you ever want to just vent, I'm here for you.

Shanna said...

I second what Sonia said...you are not self centered! I've only lost my grandma and that was hard...I can't imagine losing a mom or dad...you're still trying to work through it - that doesn't make you self centered!
Sorry I wasn't on last night...it's hit and miss with messenger and me.
and even though it seems like it's IMPOSSIBLE to get through to each other on the phone, you know you can call whenever.

Shanna said...

I love you too shmoopy and I bet if you do move to Texas we'll have at LEAST a few good months to hang!

Anonymous said...

Thanks friend.....for being a great friend too. Love you lots!!!
Carrie

Karen said...

miss you girl. I wish I was closer to be there for you. You know you can always call me - I'm not a phone person, but you know I'll take your calls without hesitation. I miss talking and hanging out with you. love you girl!!

Anonymous said...

Only 2 weeks later...Sorry I wasn't a phone call away that night. You have been there for me many times & I really appreciate your friendship. With that said, where do you come up with selfish? You are always busy helping someone else out, you don't have time to be selfish. You are the greatest, I am lucky you call me friend.
Laurie