Tuesday, February 24, 2009

How fragile life is

The topic I have been thinking about alot lately. Is how fragile life is. How we go along in the moment of a busy life and for some an over busy like, that we forget how fragile life is. Often we think are problems are so big that we cannot handle them. We focus on the right now at this moment instead of long term. So many things in our lives can change in an instant, so what are you doing with the now the right now? Are you loving the people you should are you building the relationships you should, are you pouring into your faith?

I don not want to look at the day as getting through another one, I want to look at with joy and what i have made of it or what I can make of it. I want to love every moment of being a mom even though some days are trying to say the least. I want to be a good wife, a best friend. I want to see things and soak them in. I do not want to get caught up in the things that at the end of the day do not matter.

I want to remember how fragile life is and how it can all change in a moment so that I make the best of what I have been given.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What is the true meaning of Grace?

I often wonder what it means to others. In my life I have needed so much Grace that I feel it makes it easier for me to give Grace. I feel like if you have been blessed you should be a blessing and if you have been forgiven you should forgive. These are the traits I try to live my life by. Characteristics that I want to teach my sons.

Meaning of Grace: The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another; favor bestowed or privilege conferred.

Grace to me is loving the unlovable and believing in the goodness even when it is hard to see.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Rollin' with the Punches

I have always been a when life gives you lemons make lemonade kind of girl...
To make the best out of every situation and not take myself to seriously...
It has served me well and I am bound and determined to not let this time in my life change me to much... We all need to change and I am always looking for ways to improve, I by no means am perfect and have alot of imperfections.

But to let others decided what you need to change is not an option for me. I keep it pretty real with myself. I see the good, the bad and the ugly about me. I daily take myself to task on things and have always been intropective of this subject matter.

I do not think it is up to others to define us, or on how they see us. I realize that at times all our vision can be impared because of situations with others. We think that we see to the heart of the matter when really all we see is our own pride. Pride that is a terrible thing to have though we all do at times.

Since I was very young I have kept journals and I have the ability to look back over mylife and see things from a different point of view. I know the things that I have struggled with in my past and the things that I am working on now.

I do not want to judge others though at times I know I am guilty. Though I do not think it fair to just sit and point at a person and pick at their faults without looking at my own. Every man is justified in his own eyes, any man who says that he is without sin the word does not abide in! Strong and powerful words in my life.

I try to lay my life on the altar and stay as broken as glass, but sometimes just sometimes I get sick of being walked on!

Saturday, February 14, 2009


As I ponder the last year and half and all that i have learned this time around, I am amazed at times. I find my faith more profound, my lack of let's just say caring what others think less ( like it could be less then before I know).

I find myself back to center more times then not. I have learned to see the world from a whole new perspective. I have learned to question everything. Test all things to know the truth for yourself Rachel, not just because someone says it is so. That is what my parent's always use to say.

Now in my mid 30's I find myself doing that more and more these days. Not only questioning like before, but seeking to know the truth for myself. I find myself leaning more and more on what I know to be true, not judging other's for what they do or choose to believe.

I believe this life is personal your faith, your relationships, your children. I think unless someone is in danger you should keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. I choose to parent my children and I do not want anyone elses opinion on how to do that. They are mine, God gave them to me and I am the one who will answer for them no one else. My faith it was meant to be personal and I like it that way to have a relationship with my maker is a beautiful thing and I do not think that others should tell you what that looks like apart from the Bible, my friendships they are what makes you up and keep you grounded.

I think we should all find clarity in what we believe and why we believe it and search to know the truth for yourself!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


There are many times that I miss the comfort of home. To know that you have people who love you no matter what. They accept you as you are with no pre-tense, they love you even when you make a mistake. I often think about the people that I love, and the friends that I have made over the years. The funny thing is the ones that you thought were your true friends most times are not and the faithful ones the ones you will carry with you all of your life are a surprise.

One of my good friends here in Utah is not someone that I thought I would be close to, other then we go to church together and our kids go to the same school. But, that was in the beginning, now I know that we are so much more then that. See I believe a true friend is not someone who tells you what you want to hear or even makes you feel better all the time. But, instead it is the person who will call you out, who will be there for you no matter what and she is that person for me. The funny thing is that she and my best-friend share so many of the same qualities and they we born n the same day of the same year and are the same age (which is much older then me lol).

I am very thankful for her and she has helped me so much over the last year with the passing of my father. She has been a true friend and I love her for that. Thank you.... for just being you!

Friday, February 6, 2009


Well, the rain is starting to fall. I am ready for this season of my life to be over. To get past the loss of my father, the feelings of being overwhelmed being so far away from my mother. Even though I try not to think about it, because it makes me crazy I still do! Just missing the comfort of home and trying to be content is wearing me down. There are bright moments to being here. I have meet some really good friends ones that i know I will have forever. Even thought some have moved away and are experiencing life on a grand scale they are still close! (wink wink you know who you are).

I know I need to get out of this place that I am in and I know once the sun starts to shine I will feel better. The hard part will be going home for a month then coming back and waiting to find out if we move, where we move to and when we move.

It is not something that happens overnight and it is a long process.

You never know what can happen. The last 4 years have been a long difficult growing process and I am still finding my way through alot of it. But, the end result I am sure will be well worth it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Some things are better left unsaid...

Sometimes I feel like you have to pick your own battles!
I am a pretty approachable person and people take to much freedom with what they say.
I think that we should all learn to be more sensitive to others and their views,
or even to what they might be going through in life.
That being said what is wrong with a little diversity? I personal happen to love it, it is one of the main things I miss living in Utah. And, I don't mean that because of the religious views.
Yes, I am a non-LDS living in Utah, but that has not bothered me. It is the lack of cultural difference here along with racial.
I have lived in a lot of big cities in the US and miss diversity. I miss a difference of opinion. Even in the church that I attend there is a sense of it is my way or no way, that I am not sure to.
I miss people just caring for one another with out pretense.

Where I am from in Oklahoma and Texas, people speak slower, I think they think more before they speak, and they just care with big heart.

I miss home and the 60 degree weather they have right now. I miss Tex-Mex and no one caring what you are doing!

I think that people should be concerned a little more with themselves, care about others without crossing bounds that you should be respectful of, and only give there opinion when asked!