Tuesday, December 16, 2008

How do I help you hang on?

My sister the only one of the six that I grew up with. The one who would sing "Open Arms" and "The Rose" to me while tickling my back when we were kids so that I would fall asleep, is struggling to stay above water so to speak. She is having a breakdown of sorts. She does not seem to be able to laugh her way out. This year has been the most straining on me and everyone in my family. Sometime you just stop and go seriously are you kidding me!!!

But, back to my sister she has had a pretty traumatic life to say the least. Yet she always bounced back with her sarcastic humor that kept her afloat. But, now for some reason her raft is sinking. How do you help someone that you love that is spiraling out of control? I know I cannot save her, though I wish that I could. She has 4 children and one grandchild. 3 of her kids are young enough that they need her to take care of them still. And my poor mom is having to watch all of this.

I cannot be him even though I wish I could. My father would have known what to do, how to fix this, how to help her, what to say. Yet I am at a loss once again and left crying with overwhelming grief. My heart aches at being so far away, not being able to help my sister or my mom. Who I know that if my sister cannot pull it together is going to suffer greatly watching this happen to her child. Without her husband there to soften the fall.

When I was younger my mother suffered from mental illness, I can only imagine what that is doing to her now. To watch her own daughter struggle through the realm of mental illness.

Why does life take so many turns for some and none for others? Is it by our own choices that we create our short comings? Is it really because we do not try enough, trust enough, or simply because we do not have faith in God? These are some of the questions swimming in my head.

Right now I wish the rain would stop falling and the sun would shine on my life for awhile and of those that I love.

Because seriously are you kidding me? Or My God My God why have you forsaken me? Tomorrow we will find out when she will be evaluated. I love you Carson and I hope that you can find your way again.

Here is the link to the songs see if you remember it Open Arms and this one The Rose